How the English Braai

by BraaiBoy 3. April 2012 10:23

Yesterday's discovery that we invented braaing reminded me about an email I got from Phil Burlace a while ago, letting me know that other countries also enjoy a good old braai, they're just not as good at it.

Phil says:

I'm English but now living in South I know our rugby is not too hot at the moment, but the Great British BB-Q would have you okes in fits of hysteria -let me explain.

As you may well be aware we are blessed with only one or two days of sunshine every year. The appearance of that big orange ball in the sky does strange things to our psyche.

Now if the mini heatwave happens to occur on a Sunday, the men of the house will wind their way to the local pub at lunchtime and proceed to down overpriced fizzy beer. At some stage in the proceedings one member of the throng will suggest a BBQ.

It then falls upon the soberest to drive down to the local supermarket and bulk buy frozen sausages, beefburgers and chicken legs.

The drunken throng then descend on whichever house has a BBQ. These vary from gas powered monsters to discarded oil drums.

Half a metric tonne of coals are then put down into the cooking utensil.

There then follows a debate on how to get the thing alight. Traditional methods include heaping up the weeks supply of free newspapers but the chosen method here is usually a half litre or so of Shell unleaded.

When the chosen one has thrown the match into the mound great applause follows as the guys watch this reenactment of Dante's Inferno.

As the flames reach rooftop height the plastic bags containing the processed meats are ripped open and tossed into the furnace.

As soon as the portions resemble napalm victims they will be hauled out by a man in an asbestos suit and served with limp salad and more fizzy beer.

So that, folks is how its done in England - which is why I'm glad I have been taught how to braai properly by you's the only way to cook.

Fortunately for our English friends, help is at hand... remember James Braai 0027?


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